Battle Scars
by GriffinsMustFly
Summary: When guilt becomes too much to bear, pressure suffocates and a missing piece of family all comes crashing down, one twin hides a deadly secret. Will it be kept when their world becomes human? WARNING: includes self injury. R&R please.
1. Nobody Expects Anything

The cool water soothed the new cuts I had made with ease; I felt myself relax just a bit before the tension was back inside me again and the pain I had been feeling for days returned. I observed the new shirt I had gotten from my bedroom and threw the other one in the trash; it was all ripped up anyway with slashes now. A pointless attempt to try to make myself control my horrible habit.

I belonged in a mental hospital. I know it. I belonged in a place where they made you force down pills while you cried yourself to sleep every night. My family, though they didn't know of my habit, did not deserve what I was silently putting myself through. My sister was irritating and my father was grumpy, but this didn't mean that I needed to torture myself with new slashes every night, to constantly terrorize myself for the awful person that I was as a punishment…

Dealing with the guilt was unimaginable, of course. Both of my family members and many of my friends had gotten hurt, sometimes nearly killed for my sake. Most of the time I just turned tail and ran. I didn't deserve to be called a warrior. I didn't deserve to be called anything.

My self pity was making me sick. I took the blade again and made another scratch, but I had to be careful. If I bled it would stain my fur and then there would be a problem. I would give nearly anything as long as I didn't have to reveal my secret. I was the funny guy, the kid who was always the optimistic bonehead in the face of trouble. Nobody listed me as depressed or disturbed, which I was sometimes but not always. Only when I got really upset I…did it. But nobody else knew except me.

"Yang, are you ready to go yet?" My sister called through the bathroom door, obviously ready to go to the movies like we had planned.

I pulled down my sleeves and put on my signature plastic smile. "Coming Yin." As I opened the door her face showed no sign of being upset or even wonder. She was as bright as ever, not even bothering to wonder why I had taken so long in the bathroom nor why I was wearing long sleeves when it had to be at least ninety out.

"Have a good time," my father replied once without looking up from his paper. We went out the door and I put a hand to the marks that hid under my shirt just below my left elbow. They stung and I enjoyed it. Friends passed me on the streets and I waved my hand in greeting; as I passed them by I had to wonder if anybody would care if they found out. Tears came to my eyes but I blinked them away; if Yin saw me crying she would instantly know something was wrong.

The rest of our crew was meeting us at the theater. I smiled as I saw them, giving off a total visage of complete happiness and calm, even though the battle scars on my arms showed the war going on inside.


	2. Thoughts As To Why

I once read somewhere that self injury is not the real problem, that the trouble is you don't know how to cope with your emotions. People usually think I'm way too much into drama, or they think that I have it all under control beneath my calm, I-can-do-it-all behavior.

I think that I do too sometimes, until I scratch or bite or whatever and then I know different.

Is it wrong, not to want to give it up? Half of me can't stand life any longer with it and the other half can't stand it any longer without it. God's supposed to be important to me, more important than anything in the entire universe. Why can't I control it then, for Him? And what about my family, my friends? If they found out…the very thought is my worst nightmare. There are few things that scare me in this world. Being separated for God is one, losing loved ones is two, and my secret being found out surely is in the top rank somewhere.

I have it all together, I have it all together.

The thing is, I'm happy most of the time. I usually am the laughing life of the party. But when I screw up or worse, get yelled at, the pain is just…people don't assume me for the perfectionist type, but I want to please them. I want to be the best, not for myself, but for others. If I had my way I'd be daydreaming, serving, and hanging out with those I love. But life isn't like that. Not until I'm grown up and get out of here, really.

Or is it?


	3. Nearly Discovered

You know the feeling you have that you're about to burst? I'm having one right now. This secret is way too big to keep inside and way too scary to keep to myself. But who do I tell?

The first thought is my sister, but I immediately rule that out. Not my baby sister. No way, not ever. I'm the one who's supposed to be protecting her, not the other way around. I'm not so sure how she'd handle this one anyway.

My dad? Please. I'd rather walk through a minefield.

…One of my friends must know my secret by now. Or at least know something is up. Then again, I could be wrong about that too. There's just no way of really telling-

"Yang, what's that on your arm?" Lina asked, leaning forward across from the table at the pizza place we were eating at.

I gasped. I had been reaching for my soda and my shirt had come up a bit from my wrist. I was growing so it was obviously time for some new clothes, but we hadn't been to the store recently to get anymore. A bare sliver of skin was sticking out with a few dark scratches running across it.

"It's nothing Lina. Really. Just average fighting stuff." I slicked the lie off easily.

"You've been in lots of fights before and I've never seen you with scars like that. They don't look normal."

I shrugged, then I gulped down my drink anxiously and waited for her to turn away. When she did I exhaled an inward sigh of relief. Safe for now…but there was a part of me that wished she had pressed further. Arguing with myself again.

"I've got to get home." Lina looked at her watch and peered closely at me. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Positive." I flashed her that pretty boy smile of mine and she smiled back before leaving. I got up too and started heading home.

*

When I got there I saw that my father was throwing away a pair of scissors. I lost my grip and flew at him, rifling through the trash and screaming, "What are you doing?"

He gave me a weird look. "Throwing these away. They're so ancient that they can't cut paper anymore. Why do you care?"

His look was a little more suspicious than I had hoped, though I knew the real reason was far from his mind. I brushed it off and said, "Oh nothing…just needed them for homework and stuff."

"You never do any homework!" he said, perplexed.

Caught. I scrabbled around for an excuse. "Well yeah, but Yin does. And she would freak out on me if she realized she didn't have any."

"Well don't worry. I'm heading off to buy some new ones and pick up some clothes for you. You're really getting tall."

"Really? That's great because I always thought you were sort of cheap…"

"Cheap?"

I scrabbled out of there before you could say cupcake. Not that you would want to say cupcake, but I think cupcake is just as good a word to say right now as any other. My sister peered at me curiously as I entered our bedroom. The little sneak had been watching the discussion the entire time.

"What?" I demanded, jumping on the bed and bringing out a video game from under the pillow.

"Homework. Ha! You make me laugh. You wanted those for something."

I grinned despite myself. Yin may be intelligent, but I had been fooling her for years. "For what, a rusty metal convention?" Man that was lame. I could do better.

"You're hiding something." She demanded bossily. "And I'm going to find out what it is."

I smiled into my pillow and she glared at me. You can try sister, you can try.


	4. Is My Mother Part Of Reality?

There are some days when I wake up and I feel repelled by cutting, in a good mood and ready to take on the world. Then there are days when all I want to do is cut, and I have to fight the temptation with all my might until I eventually cave in or go back to bed that night, victorious another day.

Today is the second day.

Ugh, why is it such a hard task just to get out of bed? My sister's already awake, of course by the empty bed; a second glance at my clock makes me realize that I've woken up fifteen minutes late.

I reached my hand back to pull away the covers and my arm freezes in place. I stare at the soft, pink flesh in horror and leap out of bed, twirling around to look at my new body. I go to the mirror and scream.

Human. I have become human. I am a small, gangly thirteen year old boy with light brown hair on the top of my head and strange lilac eyes. My fur is gone, and my new light skin makes me feel exposed. It's a good thing that I decided for once in my life to wear pants to bed tonight.

"Calm down," my father says (or at least I think its my father, he sure sounds like it and that gray beard and same purple eyes can only be his) coming into the room holding a doughnut (yep, that's him). "Apparently the whole town has been trapped in some sort of vortex, a reality loop."

"A reality loop? As in, our reality is being distorted?" I asked in panic.

"Yeah." he took a easy going bite from his breakfast.

"Doesn't this concern you at all?" My voice seems even more ridiculous than this whole situation.

My sister rolls her eyes, coming into the room holding a giant book There's no mistake that this is Yin; besides the fact that she looks exactly like me, has my color hair down to her shoulders and is the same height as I am, her snobbish tone and sparkly sapphire eyes makes me know instantly that this is her. Hey, I've known her even before my whole life, haven't I?

Anyway, she shoved the book in my nose and said, "I already looked it up, and if you were doing your report last night you would have too. This dimension apparently goes into a reality check every thirteen years, the last being on our birthday. Our world turns human and so do we."

I forced myself to relax. "So…is everybody like this?"

"No, only us. Of course everybody is, you idiot!" Yin snaps the book shut.

"Yin, be nice." Our dad gives her a strict look.

"So how long does it last?" I asked.

My father shrugged. "Could be anywhere from a couple days to a year."

"You're not serious!" I burst, hands flying to my head.

The old master took another bite. "Of course I am. I can remember the last time, thirteen years ago, that's when I first met your mother…" his voice suddenly trailed off and my sister and I were left staring at him. He left quietly without another word.

Yin turned to me. "Did he just say our mother?"

I shrugged. "So he did." I knew not to bring this up with her. Yin was obsessed with finding out who our mother was, so much that she got yelled at every chance she brought it up. She had stopped asking Dad and was now snooping around herself, only to find clues at dead ends. There were no pictures or memorabilia or even a wedding ring; we didn't even know her name.

The thing was…I somehow already know her. Don't ask me why, I just think I do. I know she looks like Yin because I've got my father's eyes of course so who else could my sister have, but I know more than her looks. If I think hard enough I even may be able to recall the way she smelled. I don't know if she was a part of my life before I became a warrior. I can't remember my past and neither can Yin. The only part of our memory that serves is the last year we've been at the dojo. It doesn't bother us as much as you'd think it would, mostly because our Dad can't remember anything so that's no help and nobody else knows who we are either. All we can recall is waking up in the middle of a dark forest and coming to town. That's it.

Yin didn't press any further, but I knew what was on her mind. Obsession was downplaying it actually. It was more like a venomous need.

"You're not going to raid his room again, are you?" I asked her, even though I knew the answer.

"Why not? He'll never know. Oh come on Yang, usually this would be your idea! Why don't you want to help me with it?"

I didn't answer. Maybe it was the whole waking up totally changed thing or my dull mood, but I just didn't feel like it. She left in a huff, her hair flying behind her.

"Well this ought to be fun," I said once more as I looked in the mirror. I lifted up the sleeves of my shirt and winced as I saw the scars: I had been cutting a lot more than I thought. One, two, three…twenty one scars. The fur covered them up pretty good before, but now there was nothing left for it; I would have to be extra careful now. Skin showed red. I would have to back off a bit and let some of the others heal before I tried again.

I sighed. Maybe the reason why I hurt myself so much is that I miss my mother, whoever or wherever she is.


	5. Fading Quietly

"You've got absolutely no intention of doing anything. All you know how to do is screw off. You're all over the place!"

I bit my lip and forced myself to work harder as my father barked orders from the other side of the arena. We had been at it for hours and as much as I was improving I wasn't getting any appreciation. This human body was hard to work with.

"Come on Yang." Dad rolled his eyes. "You're not really trying. Why can't you be like your sister? She got it on her first try."

Yin gave me a smirk and I pretended not to see her through the sweat pouring off my head. How was it my fault that I couldn't do as well as everybody else? I've got stuff that I can do a lot better than other people too, but the people I'm around would much prefer I switch those talents for the ones they want me to have. I know nobody really wants to know the me I really am and prefer the sham that I put on or like to envision their own perfect Yang and try to make him me, but they could at least deal with what I give them. No matter how hard I work, all I get is criticism and rudeness. At best I get ignored.

When the torture that used to be fun is over, I get a constant string of complaints back to the house. I ball up my left fist and put my other hand inside it, pinching the soft skin. When I reach the kitchen small marks like pecks cover my skin that nobody sees.

*

Emily called me up crying last night. She's one of my best friends, and might soon replace Yin on the person-I'm-closest-to-list. A few weeks after the human change I told her my secret. I felt sort of bad about it because she started crying then too, but besides then we haven't talked about it.

It ended up that she broke up with her boyfriend. I listened sympathetically for about two hours, offering what comfort and advice I could. At the end Emily finally smiled through the phone and said, "You're such a good friend man. I can tell you about anything,"

My stomach churned, because I had been wanting to tell her something that was nagging at the back of my mind. "Emily…I have something to tell you,"

"Yes?" her voice was perky and bright.

"I…I cut myself again last night." It was all I could say.

There was this large void of silence Then in a low voice she said, "Yang I think you like to cause too much drama."

Her words hit me like a bunch of rocks. That was it? That was her answer? My hopes in Emily plummeted like a rock. "Oh…ok…well if you don't want to talk about it…"

We rambled on about meaningless stuff until I didn't have the heart to carry on anymore and finally hung up. About five minutes later, my phone rang again and I picked it up.

My voice became low as I talked. "Oh hi Will. What's up? You guys want to go racing next week, I may be free…oh, you already went? Oh, ok. Yeah. Sure. See you later." I hung up the phone softly. Will and Deg were supposed to go drag racing together with me. I find this really suckish, as we had planned it for months and it had been my idea to go in the first place. Not that I could have gone yesterday anyway, with all the extra training, but it would have been nice to receive a call from _either_ of them.

I think about the only other person who knows my secret now. Mark half figured it out, half was told by Emily. It's a good thing they both live in towns way too far away from here for news to get around. Mark is one person who actually cares, but the topic makes him so upset that I'm afraid he'll call my dad if I tell him that I didn't stop like I promised him I would.

I came out of the house and kicked at rocks on the ground. Lina was close to figuring out my secret too. I was purposely avoiding her in order for her to piece as little information together as possible, even though a small part of me wished that she would find out.

I walked away and found myself sitting on the ground by a pool of water, staring dully into it. Why is it that whenever my friends need me I'm always there, but when I need them nobody's around?


	6. Isn't Someone Missing Me?

_First author's note ever! Thanks for reading. If you guys review it would mean a lot to me, it can be about anything from plot to characters to your predictions, etc, as I value your opinions. Thanks to SilverBlueAngel and all you others for your feedback! I'll update as soon as I can!_

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The next morning my sister woke up with deep bags under her eyes. At breakfast I asked her what was up, concerned about her less-than-stellar-as-usual appearance.

She looked at me, blinked a few times and said, "A woman was in my dreams last night."

"A woman?" I said. This didn't seem like a good enough reason to lose sleep over.

"Yeah," she shook her head drowsily. "It was so strange. She was a human, which was weird because I usually dream how we really are, not about us in human form. She had long brown hair that fell down around her back and the prettiest white dress on. She had this sort of tiara-veil and when she saw me…she smiled."

I took a bit of my cereal and chewed thoughtfully. "Have you ever seen this lady before?"

"No! Well, I'm not sure. She seemed so familiar, and I had this feeling like we had more than just met," Yin put her head in her hands and stared out the window.

I looked outside too, watching a bird bounce up and down on a branch. Could Yin be remembering something from our past? Whatever it was I secretly hoped that it would stay hidden. Whenever I tried to think about my younger childhood it was more than simply a blur; it ended up as a sharp pain.

"You're just cracking up," I joked. She threw the chair cushion at me and yelled, "No I'm not! Seriously bro, I think whatever this is could be really important!"

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. "Come on, we're late for training already."

"Like you care!" She said angrily. I didn't respond. I would rather go to class than be stuck arguing about whether she knew this woman or not.

*

_The woman was just as she had described; long hair, pretty dress. She laughed and gathered me in her arms, sapphire eyes twinkling. Although I had known it was just a dream I wanted it to be real. I laughed too and fell deeper into her grasp. She let me go and took my hand, pulling me through clouds and ether. "Don't go," I murmured, protesting as I reached out with no sleeves, the scars on my arms shining, but she faded away and was soon gone. _

*

"What is the matter with you two lately? It's like you're not even a part of reality!"

My father stood with his hands on his hips looking at us. Yin was again gazing out the window and I was constantly getting distracted from my video game. I could no longer protest that she was going crazy: I now had the dream too.

My sister looked to me and we somehow knew not to bring up the topic of the strange woman with our dad. She let out a puff of breath and lied, "Just thinking about homework. I'm going to go do some now."

The traitor left me to deal with Dad. I looked around blatantly to try and distract him but he wasn't buying it. "Well?" he asked, demanding an explanation.

Might as well give him the truth. Or part of it, anyway. "Me and my sister have just been having strange dreams. It's made us tired," Score one for me.

"Strange dreams? About what?" He wondered.

"Oh nothing really. Don't worry about it," I said quickly.

"What's the problem with you Yang? You never want to let anybody in!" he suddenly shouted and I was surprised by this uncalled for outburst. "You're so sneaky, it's like you have a bunch of little secrets that nobody can ever find out!"

I went into defense mode here. "Who's keeping secrets? After all, you're the one who won't tell us a damn thing about our mother!"

"Watch your language, young man," he warned, pointing at me.

"I most certainly will not," I crossed my arms and stared him down defiantly.

"You will, you lazy little boy. I'll make a warrior out of you yet if it kills me," he growled.

"Why? You don't love me, so stop acting like you care!" I screamed, out of control. "You forgot about both of us long ago, and now suddenly just because you remember you want to play dad? Or is it because you feel responsible for me? I know by the look on your face you think I was a mistake! If anything, you wish you had only had Yin and not me. After all, she's the perfect daughter and I'm the screw up."

The look on his face was absolutely crushed. Had I gone too far? It was too late, however, to back out now. I was already feeling guilty. Yin came back out of the bedroom and asked, "What's with all the shouting?"

I wheeled around on her, shaking with rage. "And here comes little Miss Perfect now. Ask him Yin. Ask him who the woman in the dreams is."

The look on her face was absolute horror. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I laughed bitterly. "Liar. You're such a liar."

"Excuse me?" She asked, hands on her hips. "Who are you calling a liar, mister I'm Going To Keep Everything Hidden From Everybody?"

"You don't know the half of it," I laughed again. The small sane part of me whispered that I was about to blow my cover, but I was so out of control I didn't care. "Well go on ahead. Tell him, prissy. Maybe we can all bow down when you open your big mouth to hear your great words of wisdom. After all, you're the one who is so ridiculously obsessed with finding out who-"

SLAP. Her hand was brought right across my face. The force of the blow knocked me sideways and into a coffee table, but it was nothing compared to the shock that she had actually, really hit me. She had never…we had scrabbled around in fights before and used our skills in mock fighting, but she never, not once, ever slapped me like that.

The hit stung. I put a hand to my cheek and the room went dead silent, Dad standing numbly a few feet away and Yin still breathing heavily at her rage.

I backed away quietly and went into my room. Nobody followed me. I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head to cry myself silently to sleep.

*

The next day there was a slight bruise on my cheek where she had hit me. She was stronger than I give her credit for. It gave me no pride to parade around a injury that I had not caused myself, but there was no way I was putting on makeup or something to cover it. I intended to go out and face them, to apologize before we started our lessons and make it all right again, but a look at the clock showed me that it was already nearing eleven o clock. Dad must have canceled school. I got up, got dressed and looked for my family. I did not find them so I decided to grab some food; my hand stopped inches from the can of soup I was grabbing.

Out the window in the backyard Dad was training Yin. Not me. Just her. I shut the cabinet door and watched, realizing how perfect they looked and how I must be spoiling their lives. I heard a voice in my head telling myself that this was not right, but I ignored it and told myself instead that I deserved it.

When they finally came back in I said hello, but they completely ignored me. I tried to make some conversation but there was no answer back, not even a glance my way. It was as if I didn't exist. I wondered for a second that if I died and was a ghost, but Dad betrayed himself at the last minute by glancing at me for two seconds before diverting his eyes away.

This is what happened when I lost my mask, lost what covering I had for my true self. I didn't really mean most of what I said, but it was what I felt and thought most of the time. They couldn't have expected me to keep it inside for that long without exploding. The whole day continued on like that, in silence and enormous tension. Yin was the worst, completely acting as if I was just as well part of the furniture.

That night they sat watching some dumb show. I was obviously not invited to join them.

"Am I that unimportant?" I asked the room at large, the sound echoing. "Am I so insignificant to you all? Don't I exist?"

I got no answer or response. I made an angry noise and turned around, going into my room and stuffing my bag with clothes, my sword and a choice razor. I swung it on my shoulders and climbed out my window, running into the darkness of the night. Dad would be disappointed. He always said that you couldn't run away from your troubles.

Scratch that. He would probably be glad I was gone. I wandered the streets alone and in danger. I dared someone to try and mug me, but no one came. It got colder and colder that night and I put on a jacket but I still was cold. The shadows of trees made me jumpy and my anger cooled, thinking that this wasn't such a good idea after all. I came to the park and crept under a bridge, hiding in the round concrete column under it. I took out my razor but threw it away at the sight of it; it made me sick.

I laid down and tried to get some rest. As my eyes closed I wondered how long it would take for someone to come looking for me. Maybe the cops would find me and take me to the station, or perhaps a wandering hobo would demand that I move over and make room. Maybe my family would end up looking…maybe…

*

_The palace was on fire around us and people ran everywhere, screaming absolute terror. Yin ran ahead of me and I tried to keep up as the woman with sapphire eyes urged us on, demanding us to go faster._

"_Hurry children! The forest is safety! Reach the trees and you'll be fine! Run! Run!" she shouted._

_Yin grabbed my hand and pulled me to go faster. There was a loud bang as we reached the trees and we finally stopped running at the loud sound. We simply jogged until we were in the middle of the great wood, all alone._

"_Mom?" Yin cried, looking around. "Mama!" _

_I started to panic too. "Mother!" I shouted, and we moved at a desperate pace through the trees. "Mother!" _

_Yin was crying buckets as we moved through the forest. I guided her and we both gasped as we ran into a pair of burning lavender eyes._

"_Your mother won't be around to take care of you anymore," The voice said simply and without emotion. Yin buried her face into my shoulder. I simply stared at the man, open mouthed, until my eyes closed and two, shining tears fell from them. Just two, no more. _

"_Trust me," the voice said. "You'll be safe…my son."_

_There was a great flash and both of us fell to the ground._

"Mother!" I cried and woke up. I was still in the concrete circle. Try as I might I could only remember certain parts of the dream…what had happened at the end again?

I was suddenly filled with a desire to see my father. I got up and shivered, walking along at a quick pace back to the house. When I got there my backpack fell from my hands.

All the lights were turned off. Were perhaps they out looking for me? But no…I climbed the walls and saw through the shades Yin in her own bed and Dad in his. They didn't even realize I was gone.

I had enough. I had seen too much. I went back under the bridge in the park and tried to go back to sleep as my body was soon wracked with fever, even though it still felt freezing. I put on every article of clothing I could but I still could not keep warm. I soon fell into a restless sleep, twitching as ice formed on my hair and I whispered, "You have to be missing me. Someone has to be missing me."


	7. I'm In Trouble

_THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the great and detailed reviews I got for last chapter! That just makes my day and inspires me to write more! Keep up your good reviews and short stories too, and I'll keep up Battle Scars and reviewing your work. THANKS AGAIN SO MUCH!_

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"What do you think you're doing???"

When I heard that voice I thought that the cold had finally killed me and that I had died and gone to heaven. But for some reason I thought that one, God was a man and that voice was a girl's, and two, that voice was sassy and headstrong, even more so than my sister's.

I opened my frozen eyelids, curled up in a ridiculous fetal position, and saw that the girl above me had short black hair tied up in a hair band with dark skin. I hadn't seen her in human form yet so it was a bit of a shock, but by her voice I knew it was Lina.

I opened my mouth and rasped faintly, "Hi,"

At the sound of my sore throat she gasped. She put a hand to my head and said, "Oh my gosh, you're burning up. We need to get you to a hospital, fast. I think you may have hypothermia."

I couldn't say anything, I was so weak. The fever was long gone to be replaced with an irreversible cold. At least it felt irreversible. I don't think I had any frostbite, as I had kept my body covered everywhere except my face, but you never know.

"Dave's calling for help," Lina said, and she grabbed my hand. "Just hold on Yang, just hold on."

As the minutes passed I wondered where my family was. Hadn't anybody told them where I was by now? I heard sirens and saw flashing lights outside the tunnel; suddenly I realized that if I went to the hospital, the doctors would find my scars.

"No! I can't go! Just take me home!" I tried to scrabble to my feet but I was in no condition to fight back against Lina.

"What is the matter with you? Has being sick driven you crazy?" she hissed.

"I can't let them see my arms!" I whispered and tried to crawl away.

"You arms? What are you talking about?" she paused in place.

I went still and calculated up the time. I had not cut for two weeks, giving some scars time to fade away completely and others the ability to look completely normal. The doctors were concerned with treating a hypothermic runaway, not a compulsive cutter. As long as I played my cards right, I just may be able to slip out of this.

"Um…" I thought quickly. "I fell on my arms last night and got them all twisted up. It'll hurt if they try to put them right again." Excellent. Playing afraid of pain.

"Well you're just going to have to deal with the pain boy," she said, then after a silence "Even though I'm not buying your story."

I ignored her and acted like it was no big deal. She brought me up to a sitting position and started hugging me.

"What are you doing?" I rasped, looking at her out of the corner of my eye.

"Putting warmth back into your body. If the heat returns to your body too rapidly instead of absorbing it gradually, your heart could fail," She didn't let me go.

I let her hold me quietly. A few months before this would have sent my heart ablaze and caused my temperature to go skyrocketing from embarrassment, but now there was nothing but the press of her against the chilling cold. I felt nothing for Lina except friendship now; we had been dating on and off too much within the past year to really be that much into each other anymore.

Simply sitting up was making me shaky and even more lightheaded. I remembered that I hadn't eaten dinner after the fight, and I didn't eat or drink anything the entire day after that. My last meal had been nearly two days ago, and who knew how long since I had drank? It seemed to take forever for the paramedics to get to the tunnel but they managed to crawl inside and place me on a stretcher, asking Lina to stand back while they asked me a few questions like my name and where I lived.

My slurred speech was terrible. I muttered a soft "Sorry," but they paid no attention. They loaded me in the ambulance and the head guy who had been carrying me in the front said, "This one's got it bad, Betty."

The woman who I assumed was Betty leaned over and felt my skin. She threw what I assumed was a warm blanket over me, but as I had lost much feeling, I couldn't tell.

She said something in a mutter and instantly the dude went to get a needle. I tried to twist away from it; isn't it funny how I'm a cutter but I'm paranoid of needles? Betty held my arm fast though and he inserted the needle, then pulled it out again. I flinched as he tried over and over, saying in a voice that paramedics should not use, "He's too dehydrated. I can't find a vein!"

Betty took the needle herself, felt my arm, then jabbed it in. She must have got something because they all breathed a sigh of relief. Being human sure didn't fault her medical skills. I looked down at my arm without raising my head and smiled a tiny bit. The scars would be counted as needle jabs now.

"He must be delusional. Tell the driver to step on it," Betty said, noticing my smile. The smile was wiped from my face soon. I felt entirely embarrassed at my situation. Who was I, wasting these medic's good time when there were a lot of other people who really needed help, who didn't do things to get them in the hospital? Why had I even done such a stupid thing? The faces above me wavered and the lights above me blacked out.

*

Ugh. I felt like I had been a victim of the plague. There were voices in the hallway and the monitor beeped by my bedside. Flowers, yes, flowers were on a side table from friends who had already visited me while I was unconscious. I just woke up after being in the ambulance. I was scarred, but I would live.

So what happened now? I lifted up the arm that contained the needle and looked at it. I must have been hooked up to a million machines. Robot kid. The pillows were very soft and I found that I still could not raise myself up off of them. This was going to be a very bad position to find myself in if Carl or somebody suddenly busted through the window. Then again, I was feeling so horrible that I'd probably ask politely if they could finish me off.

I chuckled a bit, but the laugh left my lips when I saw who was standing in the doorway. My dad stood straight like a board, his eyes fathomless. For a minute I considered what he would do. Was he angry? Upset? Would he yell at me in a hospital, a very public place? Would he even care enough to yell?

Then he did something that surprised me. He crossed the room in under two steps, took a chair that had been by the table, and sat down by my side. He took my hand and asked, "Hey kiddo…how you doing?"

I shifted a bit on the blanket and wondered how to answer. "Like crap," I replied honestly, and I saw his worried mouth twitch a bit. "You?"

He shook his head and the wrinkles on his face showed deeply, as if they had increased that day. "I'm fine. I really just was very concerned about you. I had half the town in an uproar looking this morning. I had thought Eradicus or someone…" his eyes closed and he turned away.

It crossed my mind at that moment how old my father really was. He was much older than most dads I knew, and some people would say that he was too old to be raising a kid, let alone two twins on the verge of turning fourteen. A few nights ago I would have agreed with them, but now I would say different.

"Yang," he said and I turned my gaze back to him; I didn't like seeing him that way, "Do you honestly think that I don't love you?"

I swallowed. This was a tough question to answer, and I didn't want to go into it right now. Then again, if I didn't now, when would I ever get the chance again?

"I don't know," I started slowly. "You yell at me a lot, and to tell you the truth, I never feel good enough for you. Its not like you've acted proud of me lately or done something with me…I know you're doing the best you can, but it's just so unfair that you expect me to get somewhere when you keep dragging me down."

He sighed. "I understand. The reason why I'm so difficult with you is because you are so much like I was at your age. I made so many mistakes, and I never wanted that for you." he seemed to be holding back on another reason why he was super strict with me, but I didn't question. This was difficult enough for him. Then again, why not?

"There's something else," I pressed. "What is it?"

The look on his face told me that he didn't want to answer, but he did anyway. "A long time ago, your mom had a brother who was very protective of her. He hated the sight of me. We were mortal enemies from the word go. He said I wasn't good for her," Dad suddenly laughed at this. "I guess in the end he was right. And you…even though you act a lot like me and have my eyes, you could be him in the flesh, your own uncle."

I was stunned. Wow. No wonder he was so rough on me. I was practically his biggest rival reincarnated (not that the guy was dead or anything, I knew nothing about him). I would yell at me a lot too. Another reason to add to the list of why I (is hate too strong a word?) myself.

There was a pause and he said, "Do you know why I favor your sister so much?" I shook my head and he spoke, "It's because of her mother. She looks just like her, and she's so smart, so headstrong. It's like watching another copy of the one I love grow up. She was perfect, and I want her to be just as perfect."

"But that's not fair to her either," I pointed out. Inwardly I breathed a sigh of relief. He had said that he had loved my mother, so I now knew that whatever relationship he had with her was more than his usual player attitude or a one night stand. "Why can't you just love us for who we are, and let us make our own mistakes?"

He didn't answer. I went to make another reply but it was stopped by a small squeak by the door.

Yin was so quiet, I didn't even hear her come in. Her blue eyes were the widest I had ever seen them and were swimming with tears. She kind of looked like one of those anime people Emily was so into. She gave another squeak and rushed to my bedside, throwing her arms around me. Dad moved out of the way as if a meteor had come careening for him at the last second and she began sobbing.

"I'm so sorry, I really am! I didn't mean to hit you, something just came over me! It was my idea to ignore you all day, I didn't think you would take it that seriously! Please please PLEASE forgive me!"

"I would…" I choked, "If you would let go of my windpipe,"

"Oh. Sorry again," she said and loosened up a little. I think Dad chuckled a bit but it was hard to tell; he had moved out of the room.

I looked at her and smiled. "Don't worry about it, really. I just lost my cool for a minute there."

"I wouldn't say you so much as lost it as increased it," she said worryingly. "You had hypothermia!"

"I know," I said. "It's not too bad, really," All of a sudden my body betrayed me and went into rigid shakes. My teeth chattered and a horrible chill wracked my insides, even though I was covered by a blanket. Yin got on the bed and sat next to me, grabbing me and rocking me back and forth like she used to do when we were really little to warm me up.

"Thank you," I said, teeth still chattering.

"Don't worry about it," She repeated back and we both smiled. When I had finally heated up about a half an hour later she hopped off the bed and asked, "Do you want me to get you anything? You look hungry."

"Hospital food," I said with a face. "Ah well, better than nothing, right?"

She nodded and headed out. Before I had even a few seconds of peace, however, three lone figures walked in; Mark, Emily and Lina. By the look on their faces I knew what was coming; I was lucky enough the hospital and my family hadn't noticed anything (or not lucky, as some people would say). It was too much to hope for that Lina turned out to be oblivious too.

I couldn't open my mouth before Lina said, "I've figured out what you're doing to yourself. And I'm telling you now it has to stop,"

"We can't watch you live like this man. It's gone too far," Mark said, taking a step towards my bed. "Either you agree to quit now or we'll tell your Dad. Last warning."

I felt a flare of anger towards my friends. "Does everybody take advantage of their friends like this, or is it just me?"

"We're helping you Yang! Stop making it difficult!" Emily protested, and tears were now cascading down her cheeks.

I bit my lip. "Fine, whatever,"

"That's not going to work," Lina said. "Swear it,"

I sighed, then rolled my eyes. "I will not do what we all know is a problem for me. Is that good enough?"

They all seemed relieved. They stayed a bit longer to visit before they had to get home then left, avoiding my sister's eyes and her hellos as she carried in a tray.

I smiled then, because I had never promised them anything.

*

After I got out of the hospital things seemed to be looking up a bit. Dad actually spent some time with me and even played catch (I know, right?) a couple of times. My sister and I grew a bit closer and the bruise on my cheek faded. Weeks passed and I felt not a single urge to use my blade. I thought that maybe my semi-promise to my friends might actually be held up. I bounded through the days, feeling I was done for good. Nothing could touch me. Nothing.

*

More days pass…things get tougher…feelings return…why am I compelled to feel this way, why do I let fear and frustration and hurt tell me what to do. I have not scratched or bit or anything yet, and I'll fight it. I'll fight it with all my might if I have to.

*

Got to try harder, got to try harder, got to try harder.

Sweat ran down my face as I tried to set the land dark and ablaze with blue flame. The object of this lesson was that I surround myself with a wall of protective fire. My sister was out shopping or something while Dad had a special lesson with me, just me. I could tell he was getting a little impatient but I did my best to ignore him. I had been going for hours like this, working for weeks onto my one goal. But a small voice inside of me kept repeating that I couldn't do this and I tried to extinguish it. I hated that voice more than anything I had ever known. But it fooled me into thinking that it was stronger than me and at that instant I knew the battle was lost.

"I give up," I said. My sword lost its fire and I dropped the tip to the ground in defeat.

"You _give up?"_ Dad said incredulously. "You _never_ give up! I always taught you that! Don't you have my spirit? Do you know how hard it is to teach you, day after day with my health, pushing myself to the limit just to see you throw it all away like you do everything else? Does everything I tell you simply go in one ear and out the other? That just feels great, to give up your life for your kids and watch them toss it out the window-"

These words stung because they were true. He stomped outside and into town fuming, and once he was gone I ran inside and grabbed a sharp object. I pulled up my sleeve and went, "One for stupidity," Slash. "One for ugliness," Slash. "One for ungratefulness and another for never being good enough," Slash slash. "One for fear, one for craziness, one for spite…"

I went on like this, calling myself various insults until my gaze went kind of funny and I blanked out a bit. This time when the blade went in, it didn't take anything away, it just made the hurt worse. When I was done I pulled down my sleeves and stared at myself in amazement; there had to be at least fifteen new scars there. I went to the bathroom and washed the cuts and the blade, throwing it in the garbage basket like I had my shirt.

"You're going to get yourself caught, you idiot," I whispered to myself, going back outside where I had left my weapon. I looked at the sword in repugnance, then threw it as hard as I could against the wall of the house. _Nothing's changed, _I thought, and a small tear ran down my face. _Dad is the same as he's always been and I'm still a raving, maniacal, feel-sorry-for-me basket case. It's all my fault. _

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. And no, I don't mean my life situation, I mean my cutter thing. Like smoking or drinking, it was deadly to start and hard to stop. It didn't make you cool or fit in or feel any better than you did before.

"Well isn't this a surprise. I thought it would be at least a little bit of a challenge getting to you,"

I whirled around at the sound of that voice. A handsome man stood grinning inches from my face, his dark eyes burning behind cheery wood bangs with what I could only describe as evil. Eradicus as a human. He was back.

He grabbed my throat with his hand and shoved me up against the wall, leaning his face into mine. "Now listen to me," he said. "You'll do what I say and you'll do it quietly, understand?"

"Yeah, sure whatever you say," I snarled and tried to kick him, but he swung away with his hand still on my throat. How stupid was I, throwing away my only weapon when I really needed it?

"I don't have time to play games, child," he said. His hand transformed into inch long claws with feathers all up the arm; the leg of a griffin. I gasped and shivered in fear. How did he do that?

"Ella has been reading your mind," he said, and he ripped off my sleeve with one of his claws. "Everybody has our little secrets, now don't we?"

I felt myself retract into the wall. He leaned closer and said, "Hear me out. I'm going on a little trip and when I get back I expect you and my family to be at my lair for a welcoming party. Or rather, should I say, a family reunion. I have your mother, boy," he said at the confused look on my face.

"My mother?" I asked, and I struggled some more but he still held me tight.

"That's right. She's there, and if you want to see her you'll make sure that you bring both your father and sister to my place. You know where it is."

"But why do you want us there?" I asked, and he seemed to grin wider.

"That's not your problem, is it? Either be there and see your mother again, or don't show up and I'll make sure to mangle up your sister's pretty face, and maybe take a bite out of the old man too. And don't think about mentioning this to them either," he said, noticing the look in my eyes. "I'll have Ella watching. If you give any hint of this to them, I'll make sure your dirty little secret is splattered all over the town hall for everyone to see."

I swallowed. "How do you expect me to get them there?"

"That's your deal," he said, and I saw a lion's tail flickering viciously behind him. He gave me a queer look. "You're nothing but a scared little boy, you know that?" he said, and his talons tightened on my arm. "A frightened child struggling with an _addiction,_"

"Stop it," I said, tears forming up.

"You know it's true," he said, throwing me to the ground and transforming his hand human again. "I'll be back when the suns rise for the third time after tomorrow. Be there or your family will suffer for it,"

I nodded numbly and his cold eyes burned into mine before he grew massive blood-red wings and took off into the sky.

Rise for the third time after tomorrow…four days. Could I trust the word of a griffin? Yet as I looked at my torn sleeve on the ground, I realized I didn't have much of a choice.

______________________________________________________________________

_If you guys are interested about hypothermia and how serious this really is, go to Wikipedia and type it in. Same thing with self-injury. _


	8. This CAN'T Be Happening Now

Passing the time between these four days is maddening…I bounce back and forth between ideas on how to convince my family to travel to Eradicus's lair, and the horrible thought that I am about to betray them once again. The constant snapping of a rubber band against my wrist keeps my mind from completely going off the edge. I haven't cracked…at least, not yet.

"Are you alright dude?" My sister asks in the living room, and I see the concern in her eyes. She's not usually like that; my behavior must really be worrying her.

"Just peachy Yin," I say and my voice quivers a bit from a shaky laugh.

"Yang…" she says, and she moves directly in front of my face to look me in the eyes. "You're scaring me."

Gosh, looking at her was like looking in the mirror, except that I loved her so much more than I could ever love myself. How did I never realize before how much she looked like me? We were two parts of the same puzzle, one and the same.

"Relax sis. There's nothing you need to be concerned about." Biggest understatement of the year? Possibly.

"I think there is. Why won't you say what's bothering you?" she asked.

I was silent for a minute, then my mouth seemed to operate of its own accord. "I want to go to Eradicus's palace," I said, the words flying out of my mouth. "But I'm not sure how to get Dad to agree to it,"

"Why?" she asked. Her face showed no suspicion of any kind.

I looked down. "Call me crazy…but I think that place may have something to do with our mother."

She was silent for a minute, then, "Isn't that place supposed to hold some of the most powerful artifacts that our world has ever seen?"

"Yes, but they're supposed to be hidden…what are you getting at?" I was way behind.

She smiled. "Well we don't want any bad guys creeping in and finding the stuff, now do we?"

"No. No, that wouldn't be a good idea at all," I nodded back.

"I'll run it by Dad," she said and in a flash she was gone. I slunk back against the lounge chair. I had a plan now, at least…I just hoped that Eradicus wasn't lying about our mother.

*

"So what do you say?" Yin asked that night as we sat around the table. I was picking at my food and not saying a word while my sister ran the idea over; the plan didn't seem like a good enough idea now.

Dad contemplated the idea while chewing. Finally after forever he swallowed and said, "Sounds like a good idea to me. Good catch kid. I had forgotten all about that stuff hiding there. The only question now is when do we want to go?"

"What about in three days?" I ask, my voice sort of squeaky. My family gives me queer looks. No backing out now. Think fast. "It's a Saturday, right? It's an overnight trip, so if we leave in two days we can get there on the third, which is a Wednesday. Few people ever travel on Tuesday, and everybody thinks we'll be busy with lessons or something. That way there's less chance we'll be followed,"

"You make a good point Yang. Nice job. Tuesday it is," Dad smiles and goes back to eating. He actually bought it. Yin sent a triumphant look at me from across the table and I try to smile back. A sudden wave of nausea hits me out of nowhere, welling up in my stomach and threatening to spill out my throat. "Bathroom," I say and push the chair to the side, running across the house and jumping into the room to lock it shut.

*

Both hands on are two sides of the sink as I try to draw some air, still slightly tipsy. It's just a small cut but the water that's running from the faucet is now turning blood red in the sink…

I gaze at it with horror. I have never drawn blood before. I have tried, of course, but I have never managed to gather anymore than a few droplets. I have never actually made myself bleed.

As I stare at the cut and bandage it up I realize that there's no other alternative. I have to tell them. About my cutting, the plan, everything. I can't lead them straight into a trap no matter how many threats I receive, and I can't keep living like this. One of these days I could cut and the damage may be irreversible. I don't have it all together. I need help.

Dinner is probably over by now. I hear a knock on the door and Dad asks, "Hey kid, is everything alright in there?"

I gasp for more air. "Sure," It feels like I'm being strangled. I rise up and look myself in the eyes, and see the bags underneath them. Why not start with Dad? "Just…can I tell you something?"

I pull down my sleeve over the bandage, open the door and see my father's concerned face. "You can tell me anything Yang. What is it?"

I take a deep breath and gesture to the couch. "Maybe it's better if we sit down," I say. Don't want the old man falling over when he finds out.

He waits patiently while I try to get it out, a secret that I've been hiding and bursting to tell for ages. I take a deep breath to begin but before I could the front door bursts open. It's Lina, her hair and eyes wild as the rain outside.

"Lina!" my father leaps from the chair. "What's the big idea bursting in at this time of night?"

She shakes her head as Yin comes in the room. "I'm sorry sir, but you have to come see this. All of you. The town hall, quickly."

The four of us hurry out the door and into town, only to find dozens of people crowding the court hall. "Let me through!" My father demands and we shove our way past, coming to a dead halt at a frightening sight.

A dead lamb lays at the stone white bricks, it's blood spelling out in mismatched letters on the wall, _Don't press me. _That's all it says. Nothing more. The message, however, couldn't have been more clear. To me, at least.

"What do you think it means?" My sister whispers, and my father's face is grim. He shifts his weight and says, "It means you are right in thinking that we should go get the artifacts. Luckily I know where they are, so we'll be able to get in and out quickly. If I didn't know any better, I could swear a spy has figured out our plan. You see that lamb? It's fresh. The crime couldn't have been committed more than a few minutes ago."

A few minutes ago. Ella knew I was going to tell. Policemen start moving in and saying, "Come on people back up. Nothing to see here." Ha! Now _that _was the biggest understatement of the year. When my family gets back to the house and Lina says goodbye my father turns to me and asks, "So what is it you wanted to tell me?

I was floored. "Oh um…I forgot." I said lamely.

"You seemed pretty upset about it before we left," Dad pressed.

"Well it looks like we have bigger things to worry about now," I tried to chuckle but it came out as a scared noise. Dad puts a hand on my shoulder and says, "Don't worry about it, we'll have it figured out. This spy has got nothing on the three of us."

He ruffles my hair affectionately and goes inside. I remain in the pouring rain. How could I have been about to tell him that the spy he was looking for was me?

*

Tuesday morning the car is loaded up with three suitcases. We all pack in and start winding down the long drive that will take us to the train station. The car won't drive on the rocky roads to the palace, and the only way to get there is to either climb or fly. We'll be staying overnight on the train that leads to the base of the mountain that the castle sits on, then go up Wednesday morning.

Yin reads and I stare mindlessly out the window, listening to mournful lyrics on my MP3. This gets tiring after a while and I turn it off, gazing out on the left side at the huge drop-off leading to the sea below.

"You alright back there?" My dad asks, his eyes glancing in the rearview mirror to look at me. "It's not like you to be so quiet. Usually by now you would have had your sister clawing up the seats in annoyance."

I shrug. "I'm just really bored,"

"Anything on your mind?" Yin asks, not looking up from her book.

I look back to the window and notice the twenty foot drop again. A question pops into my head. "Hey, if somebody jumped off the cliff, do you think it would be enough to kill them, or just hurt them really badly?"

"What?" My dad gives me a sharp look and Yin finally tears her eyes away from the pages.

"I want to know," I said. "Like, say I just opened this door and went off over the side-"

"Cut it out!!" My sister says, her eyes wide.

"Just wondering," I said, and the car goes dead silent. Then, "What if the drop was thirty feet? Would it kill me then?"

"Just what are you thinking boy? Trying to scare me and your sister to death?" Dad asks, and I notice his grip on the wheel tightens.

"Well, in movies and stuff people always survive. I want to know what happens for real." I say.

They both seem to relax when I say this. "I wouldn't try it," Dad says. "Movies aren't real life, you know."

"I know that," I said, and I roll my eyes. "But how many seconds would it take before I go splat?"

"Enough!" Dad growls. I shrink down in the seat and I give a soft, "Okay," Then I go back to watching the cliff side whirl by.

*

We couldn't afford to get rooms on the train at such short notice, so we were going to have to sleep on the seats. We left the car at the station and waited for the locomotive to come chugging down the railway. I consider throwing myself on the tracks at the last minute but I quickly wiped the gruesome thought from my mind. I really didn't want to die, so what was with the whole suicidal thing?

After an hour's wait the thing finally came inching down the express. We boarded and the two of us took seats on either side of our Dad, placing our luggage above us. It was a good thing we had eaten before boarding, because this train didn't have anything to eat and when we asked for pillows, the attendant said she had run out.

"I can sleep anywhere," My dad proclaimed proudly and my sister and I gave each other a look, rolling our eyes. How true was this. "I'll be out like a light in a few seconds. I won't need a pillow,"

"But what about us?" Yin asked with a pout lip, swishing back her long hair. I know anything less than a five star mattress for her would get me an earful of complaints all night long. As for me, I was having too many nightmares recently to expect getting much sleep anyway.

"You can lean against me," he said, and reached up to flicker off the light. "Goodnight."

True to his word he was sleeping in under a few minutes. We both giggled and started whispering excitedly to each other for awhile before both of us became very tired. I almost forgot about the whole Eradicus thing. Yin on her side fell back and snuggled against Dad, and the only sound I now heard was her soft breathing.

How tired I was. I let my head fall against my father's shoulder and rest there, moving a bit closer to get more comfortable. My eyes closed with the swaying of the train and then, like the rest of them, I was out.

*

I get up too early the next morning; the sun's just coming up over the horizon. Our stop is hours away. Yin's still sleeping, but I see that my Dad's already awake.

I try to get up but find that my body is weighed down by some huge force. I sigh and Dad looks down, noticing I'm awake. "Go back to sleep Yang," he says, and stares out the window.

I ignore him and try to get up again. That's when I realize that my dad is using his magic against me to try and make me sleep again. I give him a look and he grimaces.

"I know you haven't been getting much sleep lately. I've been coming into your room at night to check up on you, after you got hypothermia," he informed me. "You toss and turn all night long, and you moan like you have nightmares."

"I'm fine," I protest, and I realize that I can barely raise my head off his chest.

"You're exhausted," Dad said, and he brushed the long bangs out of my eyes. "Sleep."

I drifted back asleep again and awoke a short time later. To my great surprise, I had not had any bad dreams the whole night. My sleep was peaceful and undisturbed. This time when I woke up everybody was awake. We got off the train and Dad goes to see which path is the easiest to hike up; my sister heads off to the gift shop.

I gulp and look around. Would it be so bad, right now, just to duck into the trees and have a quick cut? Nothing deep or anything, just tiny…I'm sneaking off before my thoughts are finished.

Five minutes later I am ready to pull down my sleeves with my eyes closed. There's a snap in the bushes and I whirl around, pulling my sword from my sheath to point it into a young, frightened face.

The razor drops from my hands and the sword tip droops to the ground. It was Yin, and by the look on her face, she had seen everything. Of course she had followed me into the woods to see where I was going, of course she would want to know why I was sneaking off…

Her eyes seem to scan over my scarred arms with fright. I cross them across my chest and pull down the sleeves, staring shamefully at her.

"You're…you're a cutter." the words stung. She backed up away from me and I moved towards her, sheathing my sword. She collapsed against a tree trunk and asked, "How long have you been doing this?"

Time to be honest. "Around eight months," I was surprised how calm my voice sounded. Inside there was strictly panic.

"Without me knowing?" she asked. The pain in her voice was obvious. Then, with a sudden urgency I've known her to have, she turned on her heels and started for the edge of the trees.

"Where are you going?" You can hear the panic in my voice now.

"This can't go on," she says. "I'm going to tell Dad. Right now."

"No! You can't!" I protest. She ignores me and I grab both of her wrists, whirling her around to face me. "Listen," I say. "It's just a vice, a bad habit. I'm happy most of the time, really! I don't need to do it or anything,"

"Really? That's not what the evidence shows," she snaps and pulls her hands out of mine.

"I can stop anytime I want to!" I protest, letting her go.

"No, you can't!" she shouts back. "First the talk of death, now this?"

"Oh come on. You know I was just playing around."

"I know you better than that," she shakes her head.

I jump in front of her and cling to her shoulders. "Please," I whisper. "Please. I'll do anything. Just don't tell Dad. Whatever you want. I'll stop today, I'll never do it again. Just don't tell Dad."

She gives me a sad look. "By the way your voice sounds I think you've made this promise before."

I am stunned at how spot-on this guess really is. I let her go. We walk silently back to the slightly uphill path where my father was waiting impatiently. He sees us and gestures to the path. "Come on kids, we don't have all day," he says.

My sister glances at our dad. At first I thought she was going to blurt out everything, but she just shakes her head and says, "Let's go."

A few minutes of silence pass. "What's wrong girl? You look like you've seen a ghost," Dad says as we begin the long climb.

Yin takes one long look at me and does not answer.


	9. The Prince of Pakavel

The path wasn't that steep and we were almost at the top easily enough. I kept on looking over to my sister, glad that my sweat was mistaken for physical exertion rather than nervousness. She said naught a word, however, only went on ahead of us, climbing higher and higher and exceeding both of our strengths.

"You alright Dad?" I asked, looking behind me. He was obviously struggling.

"I'm okay," he wheezed. "Though if you could give me a hand up to the top I would really appreciate it."

I climbed back down a bit and grabbed his arm, helping him over the boulders. I gave a final pull and we reached the summit; Yin was standing still as I had ever seen her, her hair flying in front of her face and the only sound heard was the wind.

There was the castle. It was deep black and very old, crumbling to pieces and falling apart before us. One half seemed to have been repaired sloppily and the thing looked lopsided, as if the palace had been hit by a comet or something, taking one half with it. A dark forest spanned beyond it and the courtyard overgrew with weeds and dead trees. A collapsed horse stable lay on one side.

"So sad," Yin said. "I can remember when this place was in its glory."

I stared open mouthed at her. What did she mean? This place held no memory for us, no shadow of the past. Yet my father's mouth was set in a thin line and he said, "So do I girl, so do I."

Feeling left out I looked closer. Then suddenly in my mind's eye I gasped; the palace was at least three times bigger and a rich golden color, the courtyards were filled with fruits and flowers and laughter. The horse stable had sprouted back up to show some of the most beautiful creatures in the world and there were many smiling faces. As the memory faded it seemed very lonely now to be up here, in this dark and depressing place.

My sister moved before any of us did. She crossed the paths and went to the doors as if she knew them by heart, dragging the great wooden doors open with her hands and slipping through. I followed her into the pitch blackness; she went over to a window and wretched open moth eaten velvet curtains. Once she did a thought came flooding back to me, filling up my mind with past events and forgotten memory…

_I was in a dressy outfit that I hated and Yin was wearing a very pretty formal dress in a nice lavender. We were about a year or two younger and we were human…that didn't make any sense but right now in the memory it seemed perfectly sane. We were hiding behind the tapestries again when we should have been getting ready for the Great Ball. There was a tiny silver tiara on Yin's head, all perfect-like atop her hair, and she gave me a pathetic look and said, "Straighten your crown. It's all lopsided."_

_I gave her a crooked grin. "But I like wearing my crown this way," _

_She sighed. "You're going to make us all look like a bunch of fools, you stupid prince. Me and Mama," _

_I was a little stung but didn't show it. Yin poked her eyes out from behind the curtain. "Wow," she said, looking around with huge eyes. Look at all the people! _

_I peeked out and my eyes widened too. Humans of all type and stature, poor and rich, young and old, were parading around in the finest clothes they had. I couldn't believe you could stuff this many people in one place. _

"_There's the duke of Condolet everybody keeps talking about," She pointed and my eyes traveled to an old looking man with a gray beard and hair, and strange purple eyes. He was hanging around the food table and I saw that people were avoiding him. He looked very strict and grumpy, along with bored with the party already. _

_Yin looked at the duke, then took one look at me and put a finger inside her mouth, making a gagging noise. We pressed our hands to our mouths and suppressed the laughter, though it was still overheard._

"_What are you troublemakers doing back there?" A familiar voice pulled back the wall quilt and we saw a man of tall stature with light brown hair and blue eyes._

"_Uncle Ter! We're just, um…looking for Mama…" I trailed off at the lame excuse._

"_More like screwing off," He smiled. He looked back around the curtain and said, "Why don't you two go out and play with your horses? This stuffy party is no place for kids," _

"_Okay," Yin nodded. She noticed the particularly angry look he was giving the duke of Condolet and said, "Don't you like the duke?"_

"_No," he said, still glaring. _

"_Why not?" she pressed. Yin always usually spoke for us both. _

"_It's nothing guys," Ter said, not taking an eye off the duke. "Just stay away from him."  
_

"_Okay Ter," I said in what was obviously admiration. We skipped (yes, actually skipped) out to the courtyard, weaving in between the crowd and coming into the stable. We saddled and bridled our horses, Yin's butter colored mare Nee nickering as she climbed on and my black gelding Shiuh head butting me playfully before I got on too._

"_Shouldn't we get our helmets?" She asked, looking down at the ground._

"_We don't need helmets," I rolled my eyes and we rode off at a trot, riding up and down all over the forest and the hills until we were far away from the castle. We came to a wide open plain and I said, "Let's race! On the count of three, one, two…three!" _

_We sprung off but at an instant I knew something was wrong; both horses spooked at something in the trees at the wrong moment, Shuih going one way and Nee another. I managed to bring Shuih's head around and calm him, my good balance making it so he didn't spin me off. Yin, however, was a different matter. _

"_Pull her head around so she can't run away on you!" I screamed, but she didn't hear me. Nee took off at neck break speed, and there was nothing that I could do to help her, as Shuih wanted to take off again himself. I could hear her screaming at the gallop and I called for help; then suddenly I saw a gray blur on a white horse come tearing up the hill, beside Nee and trying to grab her reins to slow her down. When that didn't work the figure grabbed my sister with one hand, lifted her up and placed her in the saddle in front of him. Nee, surprised by the missing weight, slowed to a halt. _

_I got scared; assassins and kidnappers weren't common in Paravel, but not unheard of. But the figure simply trotted up around to me and placed Yin on the ground, the look that he gave me obviously signaling me to get off the horse. It was the duke of Condolet._

_We looked up at him, Yin taking Nee's reins as the horse walked up to her. He raised one eyebrow and asked, "Where are your helmets?"_

_We looked at each other nervously. "Um…" Yin said, scraping the ground with her foot. _

"_Don't bother answering," the duke rolled his eyes. "I know what you're going to say,"_

_There was an awkward silence and I said, "We're-" _

"_I know who you are," The man said. "Princess Everlightayin and Prince Nightstaryang. I doubt that you know who I am though,"_

"_The duke of Condolet," My sister said, not missing a beat._

"_My name," the man rolled his eyes again, "Is Yomen,"_

"_Oh, ok. Well, thanks for saving my sister," I said, and we went to remount. The man said sharply, "And just what do you think you're doing?"_

"_Going home," Yin pointed back behind her._

"_Not on those horses you're not," the man smiled. "You're walking."_

"_But it's a mile walk back!" I protested, giving him a horrified look._

"_Then you should have remembered your head gear, now shouldn't you? Now march!" he started walking and we led our horses beside us. I grumbled all the way there, stomping my feet into the dust. "Who does this guy think he is, our father?" I whispered to Yin, who was just as bummed as I was. _

_She didn't answer, only tightened her lip in frustration. I realized I had no right to complain though; he had saved my sister's life. _

_When we got home and put the horses away we found the woman with the long hair and sapphire eyes waiting for us. She wrapped her arms around us both and asked cheerfully, "Now where did you two get off to this time?" _

I gasped as the memory ended. The great hall. How could I have forgotten? The red rug was still there, but the jewels set in the stone were stolen. Tapestries were covered in dust and ripped in places. There was the throne; they couldn't have removed it if they had gotten a bulldozer, the thing was so heavy. Yin and I always liked to play hide and seek behind the tapestries. One time we got in trouble because I knocked over a suit of armor while playing tag…

And there, on the wall, was a portrait of the woman in my dreams and standing next to her, her brother with the light brown hair, pale skin, and thin body just like me. My mother and uncle. I could recall their names now, Trinity and Terrence.

"It was you, wasn't it?" I asked Dad, turning around to face him. "You were the duke who saved Yin on the horse that one day,"

He looked surprised that I remembered. "Yes,"

"Did you know then?" Yin asked, putting a hand on the portrait and tracing it lightly.

"Did I know that Princess Everlightayin and Nightstaryang, aka Yin and Yang, were my daughter and son?" he raised his eyebrow. "No. My memory was still wiped, if you recall."

"And my mother," Yin said, still looking at the portrait. "I remember the story now. My mother and uncle were slaves in this land. When their country was attacked by invaders, they came into their power and became great warriors. It was them who led our country out of destruction and finished the last great war. The people built them this castle and made them king and queen."

"Yes." Dad still looked very surprised.

"And it's not just a reality warp, is it?" I asked my father. "Pakavel, the land we're in now, is really human. It never stops being human. It is only if you go outside of it, where we live, that you turn into animals. You took us outside Pakavel to be born, so we would be safer."

"You're picking up things fast," he said.

"No," I shook my head. "Just trying to remember," I walked around a broken mirror. "Why did we not know that you were our dad back then? Why were you separated from us?"

"That's a long story, and we're supposed to be looking for things," he smiled.

"We have time," Yin said simply and my stomach clenched. I don't think so. I am somehow supposed to find my mother, wherever she is and if she is even here, in this place before Eradicus gets back. But I do not want to arouse suspicion so I pretend to be just as interested and said, "Tell us."

He sighed. "First of all I have to tell you that our marriage was arranged," he said, the voice vibrating around the room.

"Arranged?" Me and my sister echoed at once. Dad smiled.

"It was long ago, almost too long ago to remember. When your mother and uncle had saved Pakavel from decimation their parents thought it would be wise to marry a royal from another country, to protect each other from attacks. She was always thinking of her people first, so she agreed. Terrence didn't like it much…he said he should have been the one to do it, but Trinity refused. They found me, an aging ruler from a well respected country. I agreed to it with some reluctance, as I liked being a bachelor, as you know."

"A player's more like it," Yin said, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"Moving on," Dad said loudly. "Putting it bluntly I fell in love with her at first sight. She practically hated me the instant she saw me. I pretended not to care…that didn't work out for long. She saved my life once from assassins; that made me fall in love with her more. Eventually we started spending more time together and…she actually said that she loved me back. We got married that winter."

This story was so unlike Dad it made me skeptical. In love? Dad never showed that kind of emotion. Ever. He did not get sentimental or caring like that. Okay, so he had held my hand when I was in the hospital, and he did brush my hair out of my eyes and ruffle it every now and then…but actually showing his feelings for another person? No way.

He cleared his throat. "After that something happened that would break my heart,"

"What?" Yin asked. She was engrossed in the story. This was her kind of thing.

"Eradicus," he growled. "We had never met a force as strong as his. We thought that we could pull it together and manage to keep Pakavel going…but that was when she found out she was pregnant with you two."

There was a silence. He went on. "The warriors of that day said that it was too risky having us both around. In order to keep you safe, I was to have my memory erased, along with the rest of the kingdom, and go away so that no one would remember that you were not a niece and nephew distantly related to Trinity like everyone thought, but her children. She pretended to adopt you, so nobody would think it was odd that you called her your mother. She could not say she had simply found you; you both look too much like her not to be at least somewhat related,"

"Only us four knew the truth." I said simply. "Mom, Ter, my sister and me."

"And I went away," Dad finished sadly. "It nearly killed her that I could not remember who she was after that,"

There was another memory; Mother crying softly in my mind, and me always asking what was wrong and she never answered…

"So we lived like that for years," Yin said. "And then I remember Eradicus attacked again, with an army."

Dad nodded. "It's true. You all fought valiantly for days…while I did nothing but watch," he laughed bitterly. "I left your mother to die without help…Terrence had been right all along."

"But we got away, right?" I asked, my heart pounding.

"Not all of you," he said. "During the battle you contracted a sickness, Yang. Trinity went back and forth tending to you and fighting the war. She was exhausted, I believe…then she instructed Terrence to get the people out of the country and then used the last bit of her power to save you. There was none left to try and defend the castle. The three of you ran away and she let Pakavel fall."

My mind went blank. No…

No…

I had been the destruction of my home, of Pakavel. It was me who had caused the kingdom to fall, me who my mother had chosen to save instead of the country she had worked her whole life for. She had made sure that her people had escaped before however…but that did not soften the blow. Then, when we were running, she did not have any strength to defend herself and she was shot down while half the castle was blown away…Eradicus had lied to me. She probably was not even alive.

"What happened then?" Yin asked. I had forgotten she had not had the dream in the forest.

"I had a small recall of memory," he said. "About an hour too late. I rushed to Pakavel but found it abandoned and burning. I searched the forest but all I found was you two,"

"And you erased our memory," I said sharply. "Then erased your own again."

"It was too painful to know the things that I did," my dad protested, hurt in his voice.

"We had a right to know!" I said. "We needed to know about our mother!"

"Why?" Yin asked. "Did you really want to remember that my mother sacrificed herself for you?"

"She was my mother too!" I screamed and pushed her into a suit of armor. With anger burning in her eyes she leaped up and shot blasts of magic at me, only nearly missing.

"Stop, stop!" My father screamed but we didn't hear him. We climbed out of his reach on the banisters, me unsheathing my sword and Yin herself bringing out a blue blade of magic. We fought back and forth, blade crashing against blade, brother against sister. She pointed out her sword knocked mine from my grasp, clattering on the stone below. She grabbed me and dragged me down back to the floor, until I grabbed her ankle and brought her feet out from under her. She threw her sword aside and we wrestled back and forth, and inside I knew this was wrong…we shouldn't be fighting like this…

"You've got problems Yang!" she shouted. "You need help!"

"Yin, this is going too far!" My father shouted over us. She ignored him.

"Not everybody's going to freak when they find out! It's not what you think!"

"Yes it is!" I shouted. She slammed me to the floor then pulled me to my feet, and we wrestled from there.

"What is going on?" Dad asked. He seemed very confused, almost frightened.

"I can tell you what he does to himself!" She screamed. We were feet away from Dad now. My father asked, "What are you saying?" and I yelled, "Don't!"

"He…cuts!" she grabbed my right wrist, yanked it down and with the other hand wretched up my sleeve. The fight was making the scars shine bright red, and I shoved her away, grabbing my shirt and fixing the clothing. I looked up to find my father's mouth dropped open. With tears in his eyes he whispered, "No…"

At that moment there was a loud explosion. The front doors burst open to reveal to terrifying creatures; a large, red griffin with terrifying talons the length of swords, and a huge tigress whose teeth were as sharp as blades.

"Surprise surprise," Eradicus said. "You did what I asked. Well done Yang,"

"No!" I shouted as my family sent bewildered looks of betrayal my way. "It was him, not me! He told me that our mother was here!"

"He did," Ella said. She sat on her haunches and cleaned her paw, sending us devilish looks.

"You tricked me! You lied to me about my mother!" I screamed. "She's not here!"

Eradicus smiled. "You're quite right boy, she's not here. Though I did not lie to you nor let her escape; I let her go."

There was a massive silence inside the room. Yin crept forward and whispered, "What?"

Eradicus laughed. "I never kidnapped your mother in the first place. She was my ally all along. It was her idea to bring you here. She fled at the last minute though…I don't understand why. Why do you think that your sister is always so drawn to the dark?"

"Evil's not hereditary!" I shook my head.

"On the contrary," he hissed happily, "Sin is quite hereditary. Your mother always loved her powers. Only evil could give them back to her, and now her daughter is following in her footsteps."

"I don't believe that," I said. My hands were balled into fists of rage.

"Believe what you like," He nodded to Ella and said, "Grab the boy. I'll deal with the other two."

Several things happened all at once; all three of us sprung into action, not anywhere near ready for battle. Eradicus hit my sister and knocked her out, then pounced on my father. Ella growled and leaped at me, pulling me by my shirt collar down away from the throne room and several flights of stairs, until there were no more windows and hardly any light. The torches lit up immediately as she walked further into what I knew must be the dungeons. I fought her all the way there but my attacks did no good; she was too strong. I nearly got away one time but then she shook me so hard that I froze from fear, unable to move. She opened a massive black door with one paw, threw me in and closed it shut.

It was nearly pitch black in there, the only light being some sort of shining light that came from one corner of the room. I charged the door over and over but it was no use; it would not open. I tried harder, for an hour until my hands were bloody, until I was too exhausted to do anymore.

I sat in the darkness on the cold stone. What had I done? My eyes watered up but the liquid seemed to evaporate from them when I heard a small, shuffling noise behind me.

My body jolted. Someone…or rather, something was in this murky cell with me, had been watching me as I had been slamming the door. I had no energy left to fight or escape.

I was not alone.

_Dedicated to the heroes of 9/11 and their loved ones. We should always remember, always be cautious, but never be afraid._


	10. Rain Beside Me

I turned slowly around. Whatever was behind me was not moving very quickly and it smelled pretty bad. Should I wait for the attack or move quickly? The thing moved in the shadows, away from the light; I moved over quickly by it and saw the creature in the full light.

What I saw did not meet my expectations. It was a girl, a tiny skinny thing around my age with really, really pale skin and eyes the color of storms, all gray and smoky and blue. Her midnight hair was cut around her shoulders with strange white zigzags down its length. She wore little more than a dirty white dress and sat beside a stone basin filled with icky water.

"Who are you?" I asked. I walked forward a bit and tried not to scare her off (not that there was anywhere to go), yet she did not seem frightened, merely curious. Her head poked forward a bit and she asked, "_Quis es vos effectus hic?"_

Eh. Latin. The official language of Pakavel. I knew how to speak it now that I remembered, but I was a little rusty. I knew that any conversation we had would be marred and potentially threatening to her with my forgotten skills, so I simply walked closer and asked, "I'm sorry, I haven't spoken Latin in awhile. Can you speak English?"

She blinked, and then said, "Not very well. But I will try. You ask me who I am? I want to know who you are, coming into my room. You are welcome to share, but I wished you had asked first,"

I blinked. Eradicus had her thinking that this was her room? I coughed and said, "Your room? How long have you been here?"

"I have lived with Eradicus for as long as anyone knows," she said. "He found me when I was a baby. But I still want to know who you are, and why you were pounding on my door," she demanded, rising to her feet wobbly.

I gulped. "I'm Yang. I was captured by Eradicus and I was trying to find a way out to get back to my sister and father."

She smiled. "I understand. I sometimes pound on the door too. It helps me feel better when I'm mad, though no one hears me. I cry after that, sometimes," she looked down at the floor and scuffed it with her bare foot.

"Why are you still here? Are you a prisoner?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Eradicus tells me the world is cruel. He says I will starve to death if I leave him, so I do what he wants. Sometimes, when I do good, like when I killed the lamb, he'll feed me extra. But when I'm bad, he locks me down here for days," She bites her lip. "He thinks I have no light down here, but he's wrong. I can give myself light." She gestures to the white orb in the corner.

"Eradicus is lying to you, like he did me," I said, getting angrier.

"Oh I know Eradicus lies," she says. "But I would rather stay here than be out there alone,"

I look at her. She would seem pitiful to most people, but in my eyes she is strong and most wise. "What's your name?" I ask the girl, and she cocks her head.

"A name?" she asks. "What's that?"

She's got to be kidding me, right? Wrong. The look in her eyes is one of complete confusion. "What people call you," I say, my voice strained.

"I don't know of such a thing," she said. "Eradicus likes to call me Slime, is that a name?"

I cringed. "Not really." I paced around the room, deep in thought. Outside lightning flashed and I said, "Oh great. It's going to rain."

The girl's eyes lit up. "I like the rain. It's the only time I can get a bath."

Gross. So that explained the smell. I pointed to the basin of dirty water and said, "Go wash up with that, quickly."

"Why? I need that to drink with," she said. I ground my teeth; did Eradicus know no end? I ripped off a portion of my shirt and dipped it in the water, then asked, "May I?" She nodded and I quietly washed her face; underneath all that mud and stuff she was rather pretty.

"You won't need that to drink," I said, "Because we're getting out of here. Tonight."

"We're leaving?" she asked. Her look was completely confused as she washed with my makeshift cloth.

"Yes. You won't have to be alone now, because I'll be with you. We'll find my dad and sister and get out of here," I said. I scanned the walls for some sort of exit but there was none; I pounded my fists against it in frustration.

She rose up. She smelled a lot better now, even though the water had been filthy. "Fine then. Take me with you. I don't really care. You seem like a more honest person than Eradicus, and I'm tired of never getting baths."

I now looked up at the ceiling. "You're going to need a name. I can't just call you 'girl' all the time." Gosh, where were all the escape doors and trip switches? A simple crack in the ceiling would have even been enough to give me some hope.

"You do it," she said. "I am used to people giving me orders." She sat down again and said, "Yes, the storm's really coming in now. I can hear the water on the roof."

I stopped looking for an instant. Water. Rain. "That's it," I said. "We'll call you Rain. How's that?"

The girl's eyes widened, then she seemed to almost sparkle. "I like that. I like that lots. Let my name be Rain."

I smiled at her, trying to get some encouragement into her. "Alright Rain," I said. "Now, can you think of a way out of here?"

Rain tapped her chin. "Ella." She said simply. "She always comes in to feed me when my light is about to go out. It's getting dimmer now," she pointed at the light which was indeed, darkening. "It's our only chance. She was foolish to put you in here with me. She thinks I am weak, but with the both of us, she can't fight me off,"

"Are you sure?" I asked skeptically. Rain's limbs were very skinny and wimpy looking.

She giggled a low laugh. "Trust me." She grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down. "For now we must rest. We have to gather our strength. Ella will be here in around an hour,"

An hour. Did my family have that much time left? Yet I let her lower me and we sat cross-legged on the ground, staring directly at each other.

"If I live here, then where do you live?" she asked.

I sighed. "Far away from here, though I used to live here, like you. Not in the dungeons," I added, seeing her distraught face. "In the palace, before Eradicus took it over."

"You must have been someone really important." She awed.

I shook my head. "Not really." It was true. Being a prince didn't make me any better than anybody else, especially being a prince that had caused the downfall of his own people, unintentionally or not.

"Is that why you have those?" she pointed to my arm. I brought up my sleeve and saw that my pounding had caused the fabric to be pushed back, revealing some scars.

"You see them, huh?" I smile bitterly. Everyone else knew now, so why not her? Would she even understand? "I made them myself, nearly every week." Sick, selfish pride.

Her eyes seemed to soften. "I knew someone who did that here. But he died and went away. You're not going to go away like him, are you?"

I winced. "No Rain. I won't leave you or my family."

"I think scary thoughts at night," she suddenly said, looking away. "Eradicus feeds me many untruths. I live off them more than the food he gives me. I am more of a prisoner of my own mind then his will. But that ends today."

Feeling a certain connection to this girl, I opened my mouth to say more. Abruptly she put a finger to my lips and said, "Shush! Someone's coming,"

There were footsteps outside the door. The light that Rain had made gave out and we were left in darkness; we both scattered to opposite ends of the room.

"Hello prisoners!" A purring voice exclaimed. The door opened and we saw a woman with long, curly orange hair and of a very tall stature enter the room, carrying a fresh vat of water. By her fierce eyes this had to be Ella the human. "You had better share, because this is all you're getting for tonight. Master doesn't have time to be dealing with petty creatures like you. He has things to do tonight." she set the bowl on the ground. At this second Rain's eyes and mine connected in the darkness, and I screamed out, "Attack!"

I leaped out of the blackness, charging with all my might towards Ella. She whipped up and swished a hand in the air, throwing me against the wall. Rain herself kept charging; when she saw me hit though, something strange happened; she _roared._

No, I'm not talking about a really loud yell. I'm talking like a lion's cry. Before I knew it all that was left of Rain was the white dress on the floor and a young snow leopard cub in her place. The large cat growled and tackled Ella to the ground; she turned into a tiger again and both were soon clawing at each other on the ground. Dazed, I grabbed the bowl of water Ella had brought and smashed it against the tiger's head.

Ella was knocked out. I stood breathing heavily with water sloshed across my shirt and Rain back in human form, completely nude. She crossed over to the room and slipped the dress back on without any concern for her modesty, saying, "Hurry up. We only have so much time before the bird gets suspicious."

I was open mouthed, and not because Rain had, what was the word? _Sprung _right out of her dress? No, it was because she had simply just became a animal right in front of me, and fought off Ella with the strength of ten thousand warriors.

"You just…sort of…" I stammered.

"Changed?" she asked. She brushed some of the water off me. "What's so odd about that? Can't you do it?"

"Not really," I said, my voice a little subdued.

"I can teach you, once we get out," she offered, pulling down my shirt, which had ridden up.

"It wouldn't help much," I said glumly. "I'm a rabbit. Not exactly fuzzy terror in a bite sized package."

"Rabbit's have teeth and nails don't they? That's good enough." We shoved Ella inside the dungeon and closed the door, finally exiting the cell and starting to climb up away from it.

"If you could do that why did you stick with Eradicus?" I asked, my jaw still drooping.

"He is still stronger than I am and alone I could never break free, from him or my own thoughts. Now I can because I have you." She grabbed my hand and led me up the steps, taking each one quicker than the next. We made it out of there and started tiptoeing through the soft rooms, the large clocks ticking away with every step we made.

"Your father will be easiest to find," Rain whispered. "Unless he is very young and powerful. Is he young and powerful?"

"Er," I stumbled. "Well, he's pretty powerful, yeah, but he's sort of slower. He's not young at all, really, in the normal standard. His body slows him up quite a bit,"

"And your sister?" she asked.

I swallowed. "Eradicus has…taken a liking to her. He thinks she's full of darkness…and she's better than the rest of us at what she does."

"Then we will definitely find your father first," she said. "Eradicus doesn't let his favorites out of his sight until he tires of them, like he did me. It was a woman watched me then, one who was very pretty and sort of looked like you. But she ran away though. I was sad. She slipped me extra food and sometimes let me sleep in her bed, and Eradicus _knew," _her voice was amazed. "I think he was afraid of her, before she ran away. All people leave me," she bit her lip.

I nearly stopped creeping. So my mother had been here, and she had been taking care of Rain too. This made me believe that she couldn't have been half as evil as Eradicus made her sound. But then again, why had she fled? "Won't they be in the dungeons too?" I asked.

She shook her head. "It is much more dangerous to be up here and close to him then down there and away from his sight. He must have considered them more of a threat than you."

"He obviously doesn't know what's coming to him then," I whispered, more to myself than to her. Rain paused; she pressed her ear to a random door and said, "In here. The room doesn't sound so hollow. I'm almost sure that he's in here,"

"Stand back," I said, ready to break down the door.

"Don't be a fuzz head!" she hissed, grabbing me. "He'll hear! Do you have a hairpin?"

"Oh yeah, I always carry an extra one around with me in my purse!" I shot back.

She gave me an irritated look. "Never mind. Just go with the old fashioned way," she turned one of her fingers into a claw, picked the lock, and the door cracked open.

It surprised me that no guards were in the room; all I saw were some very plush and comfortable chairs, and a fireplace that was burning up logs in the grate. The old man was staring into the embers as if heartbroken, with his eyelids half open and a defeated look on his face.

"Dad!" I cried. He turned around in the chair rapidly and rose from it, but something was not right. His features melded from his face as a sinister smile was taken upon it, and I gasped, backing up against Rain, who was growling. It was Eradicus.

"I knew Ella wouldn't have the strength to contain you," he spat, his clothes ripping off of him as he took his griffin form. "So I'm going to have to finish the job while your crew watches," he pressed a button on the wall and there was my dad, barred behind some sort of cage in the wall. I looked around for my sister and saw with horror that she was suspended from the rafters in a sort of magical bind, in which green fire was growing closer and closer to her body.

"Daddy!" Yin's terrified voice broke into the room, and my heart clenched. The instant she saw me her eyes widened and she said, "No bro, no! Get out of here!"

Eradicus laughed, and laughed, and laughed. It sounded like some sort of horrible symphony, a song that I couldn't stop listening to yet never wanted to hear again. Dad threw himself up against the bars and said, "Hold on kids, I'm coming!"

"You have neither the time nor the talents to get yourself free, old man," Eradicus hissed. His huge talons clicked against the hardwood and he said, "Your sister will soon be mine, just as the Slime over there is mine,"

"Don't call her that!" I said. An unquenchable rage was rising up within me.

He ignored me. "I'll zap the old man's power…but that leaves me with you." His eyes burned into me. "A boy with little ability and an even littler brain. Useless."

I gritted my teeth. I was so tired of people telling me that. I was so tired of me telling that to _myself. _This guy, standing here, he had no right to accuse me of this. Who was he? He hadn't made me. He hadn't raised me, watched me grow, live through the things I've suffered and cried the tears I've cried. He didn't know what made me light up with interest or try until it made my very heart sore. He hasn't laughed like I have or loved like I know I can love. He knew nothing about me.

His eyes traveled up and down my body. "Pity. You're a very handsome boy, you know that? You look so much like your mother," he slunk around Rain and I in a circle. "Too bad I'm going to have to take you down myself,"

"You won't touch him!" Rain said, taking her hands off my shoulders. She leaped in the air but Eradicus whirled around and grabbed her by the neck with his beak, then slammed her against the ground. For a horrifying moment I thought he had broken her neck, but she only moaned against the floor.

His gaze then set on me, dead on. Before I knew what was happening ten talons were flashing towards me as Eradicus charged. He was inches from my face, and he gave a wild scream as he prepared to strike.

Something strange happened then. Once Eradicus got his paws on me a blue blade of magic sprung from my hands, burning with flame and glowing with power. My hands fell against the extra weight and I was falling backwards, feeling blood run all over and down my shirt. Eradicus landed on top of me and the room started fading in and out, going all fuzzy. He squirmed on top of me and I knew he was probably goring me to death; oh why did my family have to be here to watch?

The funny thing was that there was no pain; I felt nothing except warm liquid across my chest. I feebly tried to push him off me but it was no good, but I would not go down to my death without at least a protest. Breathing became difficult and I wondered if my dad was proud of me finally, and I thought about how much I loved my sister, and imagined how pretty Rain would be when she finally got out of this place.

Before I blacked out I thought of my mother, and I wondered if she would be there to greet me when I came home.

The lights faded and the last thing I heard was screams. Then, there was no more.

There will be one more chapter, but I will not say from who's viewpoint it's in…R and R please!


	11. Finding Home

She watched the scene with wary eyes behind a tapestry on the rafters; she longed to do something but could not, and would not. The griffin wailed as he twitched and the screaming three voices could be heard. The black haired girl she had known was on her feet now and tore the griffin off of him, who twitched one more time then moved no more. She knelt by the young boy's side and took his head in her arms, tears streaming delicately down her face. The woman was surprised; she had never seen the black haired female cry before, no matter how horrible Eradicus treated her. The bars of the cage were suddenly blasted away at the man's power now that the griffin was unable to hold them and the magical ropes binding her girl fell away, leaving her to drift softly to the ground unhurt physically, but panicking mentally.

The man and the other girl drew close to each other, moving towards the body. The black haired child suddenly snarled and clutched the boy closer to her, shouting, "You can't have him! He's mine! He promised me he wouldn't leave!"

"What do you mean I can't have him! He's my brother! Let me have him!" the other girl was now crying too but this was a much more insane type of tears, half mad and crazed. The woman understood why; you could never have one without the other, even from their birth. They just weren't meant to be separated. Take one out of the crib and the other one would wail. That's the way it had always been, so it would be that way forever, she assumed.

"Stay away!" The girl holding the prince let out a feral snarl. The other child screamed, "Give me my brother's body!" and her hands lit up with blue flames, deadly, horrifying. She had never been this angry, in so much anguish, as if she had nothing to lose…

"Everyone needs to calm down," the man raised his hands and the woman felt a flash of compassion for him. Just like old times…always did keep his cool…the old man never changed. "What is your name?" he asked the girl.

She shifted and brought the boy's head closer. "Rain. He called me Rain."

"Rain," the man repeated. "I see you've met our boy. That's my son and this is his sister Yin. We really need to see him,"

"You're his father? You're older than I imagined," her head tilted.

"Thanks," the man said dryly. "But Rain, there still could be a chance we could save him, if you let us come closer."

"How do I know you're not lying?" Rain asked suspiciously.

"I'll tell you. Look at me, then look at him," the other girl pointed. "Then look at my dad's eyes. We're all the same."

"Looks can lie too," she sneered back.

"What more could we do to him that's not already done? Look at him!" she shouted.

Rain glanced at his face and the woman saw something there; she smirked. She knew that look all too well. Rain's face convoluted and she said, "Oh, alright. But only the man. Not you," she said nastily to Yin.

The old man stepped forward. Rain backed away slowly and as the man examined him his face was stricken, as if he was forcing himself to look. His face suddenly turned to confusion, then relief as he said "He's not hurt. There's no wound here,"

"What are you talking about? There's blood everywhere! Eradicus jumped at him, his talons sank in and he was chewing at him…" Yin squeaked, her voice high pitched.

"None of it's his. The magical blade went straight through the bird. He's just covered in it," his face turned grim.

"Then why is he all…dead looking?" Rain asked in a whisper.

"Fainted from shock." The old man got to his feet and looked at the two girls. "We've got to get out of here. I can teleport us to a safer place nearby, now that Yang's okay."

"As okay as a cutter can be, anyway," Yin murmured. The man flinched at her words. He gathered the boy in his arms and said to the other girl, "I suppose you want to come with us?"

"I'm not leaving him," she said protectively. "You can trust me. I've hated this place my whole life, and I won't hurt you if you mean so much to him,"

"Um…okay…" Yin said. It was clear from the words she had used that Rain wasn't lying, but Yin still didn't trust her much. "What did you say your name was again?"

"Rain. Just Rain." She drew closer to them and in an orb of bright green magic they vanished.

Once they had gone the woman stared at the place they had been for a minute or two, then dropped down from behind the tapestry and landed on both feet, drawing closer and closer to Eradicus. The griffin was still slathering, unnoticed; with a simple wave of her hand the wounds healed, the damage was restored. She watched as the creature slowly rose to his feet, panting and pale from blood loss.

"Trinity," he wheezed. "You've returned to help me. You are my most faithful servant…"

"Don't be ridiculous," Trinity hissed. "I am no more your servant than the man on the moon. If anything, you are at my mercy."

Eradicus wouldn't admit this, but he dropped his eyes. "Your boy nearly gutted me through, you know."

"Nearly?" she chuckled. "If I saw it right, he did more than nearly gut you,"

"You watched, and did nothing?" he asked, anger in his voice.

"I did more than that. I helped," she brought out the blue blade of magic that had appeared in the boy's hands and vanished, and stuck it out at the bird; his blood was still on it.

Eradicus couldn't believe her for a minute, and then started laughing. "Trinity, dear, you are truly mad. If you helped him close to kill me, why did you so jump down and save me now?"

"Where's Terrence?" she said abruptly. "I'm tired of looking for him,"

Eradicus smiled. "So that is why you kept me alive. I see,"

"I won't play games, Eradicus!" she shouted. The room suddenly wavered where it stood and started falling away completely; Eradicus started beating his wings furiously, as if to stop himself from falling into a black hole, but it did no good. He scrabbled to keep air and said, "Alright, I really don't know! I haven't seen him since the siege how many years ago!"

The room reappeared. Trinity could tell when people lied, and Eradicus told no tale. "Ugh. If my brother doesn't want to be found, it's almost a sure fact that he won't be."

"Indeed," Eradicus turned his back on her and started walking out of the room, a very dangerous thing to do. Before he left he asked, "What are your motives, Trinity? Even I can't figure you out. You had your family, right here, in your grasp and close. There is no danger to them or yourself anymore and you can all live together in peace, and you let them go. My death is eminent and you heal me, your biggest rival. You've only had one thing that you haven't been able to do, to find Terrence, and I'm sure you'll figure that out eventually. What about your children? It's clear they need you."

She tore her gaze away for the first time. "Their father can take care of them just fine without me."

"Are you sure?"

She did not answer. The griffin turned back into a man and changed into a long pair of pants and a shirt that had been lying on the floor, making his way out. "And are you also sure, Trinity, of your love for your husband?"

Her face took on a passionate look. Then as quick as lightning she flashed to Eradicus' side and pulled him into a tight kiss. They held for thirty seconds before she broke apart and slammed him up against the wall, nearly breaking his arm in the process. Her face was full of rage and hatred before she turned and ran.

Eradicus held up his hurt arm and laughed, watching a longhaired white rabbit race out of the room. "My dear, my dear, you never cease to surprise me."

*

Oh great. You had to be kidding me. Was there a line to get into this place or something? Sure, people were dying off left and right every minute but I want to go see God NOW and I'm super impatient. Wasn't it supposed to be instantaneous? They really needed to be more organized up here, like have an office or something…I mean really. I was just gored to death by a griffin the size of a monster truck. How many people in line here can top that?

But yet…there was nobody else here. It was only I, and there was this great, white divide that I hadn't crossed…

Maybe that was it. Maybe I was stuck somewhere in-between life and death. This sort of freaked me out a bit, because I wasn't sure if I really believed that was possible and I didn't exactly want to be a ghost or a phantom or a leprechaun or whatever you become when you get stuck, if that stuff even existed.

Through the great divide came someone. I had to squint to see her closer but I knew who

it was instantaneously. She did not come much closer than six feet away, but it was all I needed. Her scent, of pine trees and fresh paper, gave me a source of comfort.

She looked at me for a while and I looked at her. Then, in my voice and not of my own accord asked, "Where am I mother?"

She did not answer. I couldn't tell if she was just gazing at me or smiling. I wanted to come closer but didn't dare. Instead I held my ground. "Then where is God, Mama? Is He on earth or is He somewhere else?" I asked. I was desperate to know the answer, leaning forward closer and closer to where she stood.

_This time she really did answer. She cast her hand out at the great expanse and I followed her gesture with my eyes. This time she really did give me a soft smile and exclaimed, "He, my child, is everywhere."_

_*_

The first thing I noticed that everything smelled clean. The bed, my clothes, the air, all had a nice sharpness to them. It was so clean that the bed felt absolutely wonderful, the mattress soft and plushy. I opened my eyes slowly, and it sort of hurt for them to open. Above me I saw one very, very old woman, even older than my father, peering over me.

I let out a small shout of shock and tried to get up. The woman pushed me back down and said, "Lie back down boy, you're giving yourself a heart attack. For crying out loud, is this the kind of greeting you give your grandmother?"

I was stunned with shock. My grandmother? Of course, I was dead, right? The room was light yellow and had sunlight streaming in, and was the exact type of lacy cottage that you'd expect to find at a grandmothers. I looked at the woman and saw that she had really sharp silver hair in a long braid and two brilliantly purple eyes, which stood out against her pink housedress. So this was my father's mother, then. He had told me her name once…Honey, was it? I sighed and said, "Oops. I'm sorry. So how long have you been dead then?"

"Watch your mouth boy, or I'll knock you right out of your socks," Honey said sharply. I blinked and wracked my brain. Apparently I must have said something offensive. Maybe they didn't like talking about death up here. "Sorry again. But really, how long have you been living like this? Are you really ancient, or really young compared to everyone else?"

"I am going to blame your stupid comments on your obvious oblivion and not your cheekiness. You are not dead," she snapped.

A wave of confusion hit me. "What are you talking about? I am so dead. Look at all the light and cleanliness and…you!" I pointed. "My dad is at least a hundred by now! You can't be still living!"

She rolled her eyes. "The light is the sun, it's so clean in here because we're up in the

mountains and I hate dust, and I am most certainly not dead yet. I have my ways of keeping myself alive," She held up a hand and flicked out blue magic at me, knocking my hand back down.

I rose up against the pillows. "If I'm not dead then, where is everybody?"

She sniffed. "Your sister, the second Trinity, she's still sleeping. The black haired girl and Yomen, I have no idea. Try looking for them through that door, and come back for lunch when it's ready,"

I got up out of bed. I was dressed in new clothes, so obviously somebody had picked up the bags when we had fled. Come to think of it, how had we fled? What had happened to Eradicus? I crossed the bedroom and put my hand on the knob.

"Not that door child, that's the closet! By the ancestors, you're just like your father," Honey started mumbling and turned her back to me. I crossed the room again and wondered how a lady with a name like Honey could be so…I don't know, so not sweet. I opened the door and crossed through the hallway, opening one door to see my sister asleep in another bedroom, breathing softly. I closed the door. There was a lot to talk about with her, and I didn't feel like waking her and discussing it now. Let her have a bit of peace, before it all came crashing down again.

I opened room after room, mostly al the same with doilies and china dolls covering the tables. I went into another room with our bags, and I went through my own to grab a sweatshirt. It was cold up here…something was missing through my bag. It took three combs of my suitcase to realize that the blades were what was vanished. Everything else was there, in weirdly perfect order, but my cutting implements were gone. Somebody had removed them.

No matter. It was too easy to get new things…no. I didn't want to do this anymore. I had enough, hadn't I? It was over. I closed and zipped up my bag, but there was a demon voice inside my head telling me that this wasn't about to end just yet…

I pushed the urge away and it came swinging right back. Oh, so it was one of _those _days, was it? Well now I was fighting back. I didn't want to have a relapse, even though that voice in my head was telling me I was going to, and I was going to keep fighting it. I continued, room after bland room, then went down the stairs and through the kitchen to the outside, where dawn was rising.

There was a nice flower garden outside. I walked along the dirt path, winding through some trees but making sure to keep in sight of the house. Then there, over in the corner on a stone bench was my father, watching the mountain trees sway back and forth. When I saw him I ducked behind a tree and peeked out. He knew now, my most terrible secret.

I think I could have handled my sister knowing…but my dad? How could I face him now that he realized how sick I was? I couldn't hide from him forever, could I? I couldn't run away, because I needed him to take care of me. I would probably die out there without him, the night I slept on the streets proved that. So why couldn't I sum up the courage to face him now…

I wrapped my arms around the tree. This was going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. But before I could find the words to say, he spoke for me. "You can come out from behind that tree. I'm not going to bite."

I looked down and went back on the path shamefully. He knew I was there all along. He turned to look at me, then jerked his head and said, "Come sit down. It's alright."

His reassurance meant a lot to me just then, even if I couldn't look him in the eye. I would have rather Eradicus had killed me, just now. But that was a stupid and selfish thought. Time to face the music. I sat down on the very edge of the bench and looked away, pulling at my sleeves and hiding my hands inside them.

His eyes were boring into me. "I suppose you want to know how we escaped?"

I nodded my head, tracing the lines on the ground with my eyes. He said, "When the griffin charged you, a blade of magic came out of your hands and you were thrown backwards. Do you remember?"

I nodded my head. He went on. "Afterwards your sister and I, along with Rain…yes, she's fine," he said, noticing the look on my face even though it was directed towards the dirt. "She wasn't harmed when she was thrown, and now she's happier than ever, thanks to you. Anyway I teleported us and our bags to here,"

I must have looked confused on how I escaped, so he said, "Eradicus leaped on you and the blade went straight through him. He was squirming on top of you to try and get the blade out and you fainted. We got you out from under his body and took you with us,"

Utter shock rippled through me, along with a horrid repugnance. It was enough to make me speak. "I…killed someone?" I asked. My hands met my head and I buried myself in the sleeves, shaking my head. I had killed someone. Someone ruthless and who had probably killed many others before, yes, but I had killed.

"It was self-defense, and you needed to do it to survive and protect your family, your friends…even your country. Many lives were probably saved because of what you did. It was not murder," he tried to comfort me.

I didn't say anything nor raise my head. He put a hand on my shoulder and asked, "How do you feel?"

I shuddered. "Messed…up." The words came out between choked back sobs. How many people would call me a wimp right now, wouldn't understand…

Dad gripped my shoulder tighter. "If you need to let it out, let it out. Quit holding things in, holding them back."

"Why?" I asked. I brought my head out of my hands and crossed them, proud that there weren't that many tears on my face. "Don't want a cutter for a son?"

His eyes seemed to soften. "Six months child…how could you have hidden it for so long?"

"Either I'm a good liar or you're not paying enough attention." It was meant to be funny, but he didn't laugh.

"Why did you start?" he asked, removing his hand from my shoulder.

I thought back. "It was a training day," I said honestly. "I couldn't do anything right and everyone was yelling at me…dumb reason, I know."

He didn't look like he thought it was that dumb, but then again, he could be wearing a mask, like I did. "It's what you were trying to tell me before we left, wasn't it?" he asked. "The night the lamb was slaughtered,"

I nodded. "But then you got scared," he said, "And I didn't press, even though I knew something was wrong."

"It wasn't your fault. Eradicus knew my secret and threatened to tell if I didn't lead you to his lair…he told me he had our mother…I told Yin that part and she figured out a way to get you there."

The old man smiled. "If I know your mother she probably had Eradicus, not the other way around."

I brought my knees up on the bench. "Yin found out that day about…she told you later." I looked further away, into the trees.

It was his turn to look down. "So how long did your sister know?" his voice sounded bitter.

"She found out that morning. She…saw me." I traced a frowney face in the dirt. "What happened to all my razors?" I asked, letting go of my control.

"I took them away," he said. Then abruptly he asked, "How are you, really?"

I closed my eyes. This moment had been put off for too long. I pulled back my sleeves. There it was, the marks that I had been hiding for how long. I traced the lines with my finger and then suddenly pressed on them with all ten fingers, hard.

"Don't do that," my father reprimanded. He grabbed my wrists before the bruising started and I took a deep breath. Had I really just done it right in front of his face?

"You were never the type of person I'd think who would do this," he said. He took my sleeves and pulled them back down, hiding the scars. "You're always so funny and tough all the time, so cheerful. You even wore short sleeves sometimes! If someone would have told me this I would have said that the thought never crossed your mind,"

"Which is why I was able to keep it for so long," I said. His eyes were wide and he asked, "Why?"

I crossed my arms again, much tighter. "This type of pain is much easier to handle…I want to punish myself…it makes me feel special, sort of…there are a lot of reasons," I mumbled.

"And then you started talking about suicide…" he grimaced.

"I didn't really take it seriously," I protested.

"You still thought about it," he said. "I feel like a failure as a parent,"

"You're not!" I protested. "If anything, it's me who has failed,"

"Don't say that," he said. "We are strongest when we are weak."

I scratched my nose. "True." There was a knot rising in my throat and I kept blinking quickly. "You know, I had been hoping so much that my mom would be there…I thought that we would be together again. Now that I can remember, I miss her so much. And she wasn't there."

Dang it all, why did tears have to start coming _now? _What was worse is that I couldn't stop them, they just kept coming. I started sobbing. I'm surprised snot didn't come furling out of my nose. This was a really bad crying spell too, the one where you're really, really upset and your whole body shakes. Yin was only the ever one who had seen me cry this badly. I hated doing this to Dad. I wanted to crawl up somewhere and die.

Then Dad did something that surprised me. As if he knew that I wanted safety he put his arms around me and held me there. I went rigid at first; he had never hugged me before, and I think the most I ever hugged him was once, and it was quick. This was a long, comforting embrace. He even rocked me back and forth a bit. He didn't let go and I stopped crying, putting my hands on his arms. "Where's Rain?" I asked. I couldn't help it; it was the first thing I thought of saying.

"She's on the other side of the gardens, but I think it would be best if you calmed down a bit before seeing her," Dad said. He finally let go and I nodded, wiping my face with my sleeve. I got up and he gave me a smile. "Better."

I headed for the path. Before I went Dad called after me and said, "You're going to get better, Yang, I know. Someday you'll stop hurting yourself, and we'll be there to help you until that day. But for now, I'll be looking for outside help. We can't do this on our own, can we?"

I shook my head. Therapy sounded like a little much though. He gave me one last smile. "You'll be alright. After all, you are my son."

A bit fuzzy but true. I smiled back at him and started down the path, looking for the girl who I had saved from the palace, and who had saved me…

She was sitting in a bed of roses, talking to my sister who was now awake. When she saw me her eyes lit up and she charged at me from the ground, saying, "Yes yes, I knew it! You promised you would not leave!"

She threw her arm around my shoulder. I threw mine around hers too and said, "Of course Rain. I told you so,"

"Rain's coming back with us," My sister said, meeting my eyes for the first time in about two days. "She's proven very loyal to you."

I stared in wonder. Rain, my new friend, now living with me? One who, after only a day together, knew so much and yet so little about me? It was too much to take in, so I just smiled bigger.

"I am," Rain said. "Though I think I will be teaching you and not me," Purple magic sprouted from her fingers and my insides flopped.

A funny feeling went through me just then; it traveled through my stomach and up into my throat, shivering and shaking. I gulped and said, "You're probably right Rain." When I said the last word it came out as a squeak; I clapped my hands to my throat. It felt sore, and not from the crying.

"Your voice is changing!" Yin laughed, and I turned a little red. "It was time. Our birthday's next week, you know that?"

I had forgotten, but I nodded anyway. Honey poked her old head out of the cottage and said, "Come along now, breakfast is almost ready! You, girl," she pointed at Rain. "Get in here and help me with the table. Leave those two alone for a minute."

Rain gave me another smile before bounding into the house. Honey looked at Yin and mumbled, "She's got her mother's eyes, she does, looks just like her," before closing the door.

My sister, the one I loved, turned back to me. "We gained Rain, but lost mother. Again," her eyes were sad and deep.

I shrugged. This time when I spoke, my voice seemed a little deeper but pretty normal. "We did and we didn't. After all, we still have each other and she's a part of us, right?"

She grinned unhappily. How you do that, I'm unsure, but she did. "You know I thought I lost you for a minute there. But I kept my cool,"

"Sure you did," I rolled my eyes. She punched me in the shoulder, then looked out at the mountains and asked, "Do you really think she's out there, somewhere?"

"I know she is, and we'll look for her until we find her, together,"

She grabbed me and we hugged, and I shut my eyes and tried not to think about what the future would hold. I didn't want to think about where my mother was now or how I was going to get better, or how I had killed my enemy or try to sort out my mixed feelings about Rain. All I wanted was to stay here forever wrapped in my sister's arms and be in her presence like I had been all my life. She was the one who had gotten me help. She had been the one who had always been there my entire life and had not forgotten or ran away and wouldn't (perhaps couldn't) leave my side. Her and God. Besides that, I had always felt so alone…

"You're never alone." She whispered, as if she had heard my thoughts. We didn't break and a single, last thought crossed my mind; even though we bickered like no tomorrow, her arms would always be home to me.

_Review please, because I love reading your takes! I am unsure if I am to write a sequel, but I've had so much fun writing this that I may return after I finish up a few other stories of mine. Thanks so much for staying with me all this time, and I'll be checking in!_


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